Thoughts and happenings of a swinger, sometimes porn actress, and slut. Definitely NSFW.
I don’t know how other women get into porn or become proud of being a slut, but I don’t think many dream of it as a little girl. I know the stereotypes and for me they don’t apply. My parents loved me. Yes, they got divorced, but half of all marriages end in divorce. I don’t drink and I have never used drugs. I am not a party girl and definitely not into clubbing.
I think two things played a big role. The first is that I was TERRIFIED of sex. My mother made it clear that she thought sex was horrible. I remember thinking that it must be painful and something women had to do as part of being married. As a result I stayed a virgin until I was 18.
Which brings me to the second contributor - I fell in love for the first time. As a girl I had a couple of boyfriends, but no one that made my heart flutter and certainly no one that I was going to endure the “horrors” of sex with. Then during my senior year of high school I met a boy with long brown hair, an incredible smile, a sharp sense of humor, and that seemed to not have a care in the world. What I didn’t know was that he was also a “bad boy” - at least by the standards of the Catholic high school we both attended.
won’t go into the details of my Husband’s past, but I will say that drugs, sex, and arrests were involved by the time he was 16. I met him when he was 17. Fortunately for me there were two other things I didn’t know. He was very smart and he was trying to turn his life around. Regardless, I asked him out on a date and he said yes.
By two weeks he was feeling my breasts through my shirt and by three weeks he was sucking on my nipples. After a month I let him go down on me (I thought the idea was disgusting - I pee from down there!) and I had my first orgasm. And not once did he ask to enter me. Later we talked about it and he said he knew I wasn’t ready and he didn’t want to “fuck it up” for once in his life.
While not full on sex it was absolutely clear to me within a month that my mother was completely wrong. The feelings were amazing. I found myself dreaming of getting together. I wanted him to touch me. And after a while I started wondering what I could do for him. It was clear that he enjoyed turning me on and making me cum, but I hadn’t even seen his cock. Hell, I had only felt it through his underwear.
So one night I asked if I could do something for my boyfriend and I gave my first BJ. When the BIG moment came he tapped me on my shoulder and said he was cumming. I honestly had no idea what he meant, so I kept sucking. His taps became quicker and he told me repeatedly “I’m going to cum!” All I could think was, “OK - as long as it feels good.” Then his back arched and he half moaned and grunted and his cock spurted cum into my mouth. I held his cock in my mouth with my hand on it not knowing what to do. It obviously felt really good for him and I didn’t want to stop after how much pleasure he had given me, but I hadn’t expected semen to be so…messy.
When he finished I looked around trying to find somewhere to get rid of the cum in my mouth and found nothing…so I swallowed. I remember him looking down at me and telling me that was the best blow job he had ever had and when I responded he stared at me. “Did you swallow?” he asked. I wasn’t sure if that was what I was supposed to do or not and I got embarrassed. “Yeah. I didn’t want to make a mess.”
His reaction to that made me feel incredible. He was amazed. He was impressed. He was blown away! ;-) And I had done it for him. I had given him pleasure and it made me feel proud. It was my first blow job after all.
We continued fooling around without penetration for a couple of months. Things progressed of course. Sometimes he would rub his cock against my thigh and hip joint until he came, sometimes I sucked him off, and sometimes I used my hands, but he always sucked my breasts, fingered my pussy, and made me cum. And still he never asked to enter me. Once I brought it up and apologized for not doing it. He just smiled down at me, kissed me, and told me not to worry.
But I did worry and also I desperately wanted to feel him inside me. So one day while he was rubbing his dick against my hip I asked if maybe we could use my butt. I swear I had never considered anal before. My ass was for shitting not sex, but I needed to feel him inside me and this was the only way I could think without getting pregnant. Looking back it seems comical, but at the time I was scared. What if he thought it was disgusting? What if it was messy? Oddly, it never occurred to me that it might hurt.
My fears were unfounded. He LOVED the idea. lol He had never had anal, but was very enthusiastic about trying it. So I laid down on the floor of his grandma’s bathroom and without any lube did anal for the first time. I don’t know how we managed without lube, all I can think is that my pussy juices had flowed into my ass, but it felt good. Not great, but good. And seeing his face as he thrust into me and came was incredible. Him laying on my chest while still inside me felt even better. To this day I prefer men to cum in my ass rather than pull out.
It was another two months before I finally asked him to enter my pussy and nothing prepared me for how incredible it would feel. His length is and was perfect for me. I have a small pussy and his length of 6 to 7 inches (I had no idea a guy’s penis length could vary depending on his level of arousal) is able to reach the very back when he fucks me hard but without hurting me. I lost my virginity in a field in the middle of a park. Walking home with him I was giddy and skipped like a little school girl. My mother was wrong. Sex felt great, it wasn’t horrible, and I wanted to do it!
From that day onward I asked him for sex every time we got together. He would start to go down on me and I would ask him to stop and just fuck me. Orgasm felt great, but fucking felt even better. A month or two later we moved in together and my sex life went into overdrive. The first day in our apartment we fucked 13 times (over 24 hours). We had sex three or four times a day every day - minimum. I ached to feel him inside me every morning when we woke up and every night when we went to bed. In between we would meet at nearby buildings and fuck under the stairs, in bathrooms, behind bushes, and at the top of parking ramps.
We also watched porn for the first time. I remember the very first video we watched. It started with a single guy and woman. They played around and then fucked. It was erotic. The next scene two guys fucked a woman and my pussy became soaking wet. The third scene was two women and my pussy flooded. The fourth scene was b/g again and we never finished watching it - I dragged my boyfriend into a room (we were at someone else’s house), pushed him onto the floor, and rode him until he came inside me. When we came out of the room the other people started laughing and cheering and many commented on the look I had in my eyes.
These experiences - learning that sex felt incredible, feeling safe and respected while I learned about sex, associating the risk of getting caught with the thrill of sex, and the constant positive feedback I received associated with sex laid the framework for what came next.
So at this point I was 19 years old, loving sex a LOT, and discovered porn turned me on. Most importantly I had learned that my mother was completely wrong and that opened the door to questioning a lot of the sexual morals I had been taught. But I can’t stress enough that this was only possible because the boy I had started dating at 18 made me feel safe, respected, and NEVER pressured me to do things I didn’t want to.
This is where his role in helping me grow begins to really shine. One thing about him is that he is extremely curious and smart. He questions nearly everything and has a thirst to learn that I had never seen before, but most of all he is and was an excellent observer. He noticed how I reacted to each scene in the first porn we had watched. He noticed the porn that I wanted to buy and which scenes got me the most excited and the most wet. And after a while he began commenting on his observations.
First he pointed out that girl-girl turned me on the most and he asked if I was attracted to women? NO! Absolutely not! That was absurd! But I couldn’t deny how my body reacted, so I consciously avoided lesbian porn. Then he pointed out that I preferred group sex scenes - especially multiple guys with one woman. Maybe. Kind of. I would never be interested, though. Then I started buying gangbang videos (LOVED the Gangbang Girl series). Then I bought an American Bukakke video. Sometimes I shopped with him and sometimes without - to surprise him, I said.
At the same time our sex talk started to get dirtier and I tried to do things I saw in the videos. I no longer just swallowed his cum. I showed it to him first, swallowed with flair, and then with a big grin would show him my empty mouth. He loved it.
“Cum on my face!” I would beg him as he fucked me. He did and I would suck his cock clean, rub his cum on my face, and lick my fingers clean. He loved it.
Then after two years of dating he asked for something for the first time. He was fucking my ass and he wanted me to suck his cock when he pulled out. It wasn’t something I really wanted to do, but he had never asked me for anything until now. I agreed and he loved it. I could feel his cock get harder in my mouth.
We continued watching porn (we had quite the collection of VHS back then - nearly all anal, gangbangs, cum swallowing, and a small collection of girl-girl lol) and although I avoided girl-girl videos sometimes the gangbangs had two women and they would kiss and lick each other. Again he noticed my body’s response and pointed it out.
I am NOT a lesbian!
Maybe you’re bi, he suggested. And he started asking questions that I couldn’t answer at first. Why did it bother me that I was turned on by girl-girl sex? Why did it bother me to even consider I was attracted to women? Although I was saying no, my body was clearly saying yes. And after a while our sex talk started to include women and I grew more comfortable with the idea.
Thirteen years went by and this boy became a man and I became a woman and we became married. Our sex life stayed at a high level, usually twice a day and sometimes three, but things changed - in particular I started taking a birth control that sent me into a tail spin. I became depressed and lost my sex drive and the two reinforced each other. Obviously this affected my relationship with the only man I had ever loved. Finally, while researching the side effects of a medication a friend of mine was taking, my husband looked into what I was taking. We were shocked and more than a little pissed at my doctor.
I had never been told about the side effects of the birth control I had started taking two years earlier: weight gain, depression, and loss of sexual desire. I demanded to be taken off and changed doctors. It took time, but I began to return to what is normal for me. High sex drive, petite body, and did I mention a high sex drive?
I was now in my early 30s and sexually re-awakened. I had become open to the idea that I could be attracted to women and that was OK. I accepted that having multiple guys was a fantasy of mine. But I still didn’t take the next step until my husband did the most amazing thing for me. He quit his dream job so we could move closer to my family (my mother and father were very ill). I don’t mean a job he loved I mean the job he had always dreamed of having and never wanted to leave. And he gave it up for me.
After we moved into our new house I asked if he wanted to try swinging. He had brought it up in the past, but I was adamant - NO! The very idea stung - why would he want to swing unless he was no longer attracted to me? Like in the past, he didn’t push it. Now, here I was, trying to show him how much he meant to me and how wonderful he was, asking if he wanted to try swinging.
Although he agreed (big surprise! lol) we moved slowly. He asked that I take the lead so that he didn’t put me into any situations I didn’t want or wasn’t ready for. I wasn’t ready for a woman or a couple so I picked a single guy (hey, multiple guys turned me on!)…and it was horrible. The guy wasn’t abusive or anything it just wasn’t fun at all. But I didn’t want to give up yet - my husband hadn’t given up on pleasuring me so I wasn’t going to give up on swinging.
While I had been searching for someone on a swinger site, so had he. His suggestion was a well muscled black man that seemed very nice and respectful and to whom I wasn’t the least bit attracted to. I am not into men with huge muscles. But after the fiasco of our first meeting with the guy i had picked i reluctantly went the the guy he suggested. WOW! It was incredible. The guy was well hung at 11 inches, was very respectful, and fucked like a stud. I was so giddy afterwards that it wasn’t until we were home and in our own bed that I realized I had no idea what the guy’s name was.
This is a still shot from the video we took of that night.
From that moment on I was hooked. I also fell into the trap of getting caught up in all the attention I was receiving. Lets be honest - it feels GREAT being wanted by all these men. I consider myself fortunate to have gotten over that without anything bad happening. I took chances I shouldn’t have, put my desires ahead of my husband at times, and generally was an idiot. Fortunately our relationship survived this period and I stayed disease free. It was also increasingly clear that my husband knew me better than i did.
Although I acted reckless and stupid when we first started swinging there were good things that came from this time. I embraced that I was bisexual. Although I prefer men, my attraction to women is strong and not purely sexual.
I became proud to be a slut as I defined it - I am empowered over my own sexuality, I choose to have sex when I want and with whom. After a childhood of fearing sex I can’t begin to explain how liberating it felt to be free to have sex as I wanted it without guilt.
I also explored the professional side of sex. I went to my husband and asked if he would be OK with me looking into doing a porn. He questioned me (drilled me more like it). I didn’t have answers for all his questions, but apparently I convinced him that I wasn’t doing this for the “wrong” reasons. I had been a house wife for over 10 years at this point and while I wanted to start working again I hated the job options I had available to me. My husband made enough money so I didn’t need to work, but I wanted to make my own money and I kept coming back to “do what you love” and I loved sex
A funny thing happened while looking for porn work. I kept getting requests to be an escort. At first I laughed and then I became intrigued and then aroused by the idea. This was a much tougher conversation to have with my husband, but eventually I did. He thought about it for a couple of weeks and asked me lots of questions, but eventually he agreed to let me try it.
So 15 years after we started dating I began working as an escort and I really enjoyed it and I was really good at it. Then I finally got a response from a local production company to take part in a porn. I think working as an escort helped me do better in the porn. I loved sex and didn’t have to fake it during the video, but I had learned that sometimes things don’t go as expected and to just roll with it. For example, while shooting the video the guy lost his erection (it was blazing hot under those lights) but he kept thrusting like he was still inside me. I knew the erection was gone, but rather than interrupt the production I just kept going. Afterward he congratulated me on it.
So how did my first porn go? INCREDIBLE! I am not, for the most part multi-orgasmic (I’ll get into that later), but I was so turned on by doing a porn that when I got home I begged my husband to make me cum. He did…3 times. I love doing porn. It is the most erotic thing for me. I get to have sex in front of people, know that others will be watching me, and I get to show off my skills (I give really good head). As for escorting, it was a fun, but nothing compared to doing porn so I stick with porn now.
I also want to touch on a few things that people seemed fascinated about with me. The first is my view on my own orgasms. I do like to cum and sometimes I need to cum, but most times an orgasm is too intense a feeling for me. It’s overwhelming to the point that I can’t physically deal with it. But fucking - that is just the right amount of sensation. It feels great and usually that is what I prefer. I would be happier if most men would just ask if I want to cum and if I say no (typically my answer) they wouldn’t feel slighted and instead just pound my pussy hard. I LOVE BEING FUCKED HARD IN DOGGY STYLE! Usually :-) I don’t cum from this (penetration doesn’t make me cum), but I do like it better. And I love the taste of cum. I don’t know why, but I do.
Another question I get a lot is about my attraction to women. I prefer to fuck men, and be intimate with women. There’s only one man I have ever felt deeply connected to and I married him. I don’t have a desire to feel that with any other guy, but I sure like to fuck the hell out of them. With women it’s different. I want to kiss and caress and be tender. I also want to have sex, but I like something emotional with them, too. Not always, but it is nice. And when I have sex with a woman I want it to include deep kissing, licking, tasting each other’s juices, and afterward holding each other.
Although lately i have enjoyed being the dirty slut with women, too. I give rim jobs to men when ordered to, but I enjoy doing it with women. Recently my Sir and I made a woman cum multiple times - he ate her pussy and I rimmed her. It was so erotic having my tongue in her ass and looking down to see my Husband eating her pussy and looking up at me.
The last question I get all the time is what my husband’s role is in all this. My husband is my sanity. Without him I tend to do stupid things - like unprotected sex with strangers. He stops me, puts up boundaries for me, and tries to keep me safe. We have different sexual fantasies. He prefers meeting with couples or adding a woman for a threesome. He likes to know the people he fucks and preferably have a friendship with them.
I like gangbangs and fucking a guy whose name I don’t know and may never see again.
This can be hard to reconcile, but we do our best. With porn I get to satisfy some of those sexual desires, so when I am home we usually focus on his desires (couples and threesomes). We do go to an orgy regularly and he’s starting to feel comfortable (it’s taken months lol) and I have done some gangbangs while he takes photographs. One of my husband’s hobbies is photography so I have asked him to be my photographer (I get so caught up in the moment that I barely remember what happens during sex). For me this is great because we get photos of everything and my husband is there. For him he gets to practice his photography, although not exactly in a way he originally intended. :D
Recently we entered into a M/s arrangement which he has wanted for some time. We’ve tried it before, but this time seems better. The M/s arrange resolves the friction we have had about what I do. He now has control over my body and determines what I will and won’t do. As a result he feels more aroused by gangbangs and my promiscuity - it is him passing me around rather than him feeling cuckolded. He also has control over helping me change some aspects about my non-sexual behavior that he doesn’t like and that I have tried to change for years unsuccessfully and that I now feel hopeful will actually change - if for no other reason than my punishments really fucking hurt.
So, no we are not into cuckolding, but yes I do get turned on having him watch me be a slut and getting the photographs to prove it. What’s funny is he gets so caught up in taking the photographs he rarely gets hard during a shoot - he’s too caught up in getting his lighting right, trying to frame the photos, and capture the best shot.
My husband considers this the best photo he’s taken (at the time I wrote this. Since then he’s even better work).
So that’s me. I started out a girl terrified of sex and naive beyond belief, met the man of my dreams that allowed my sexuality to blossom without being controlling, and while searching for a career after not working for over 10 years I decided to go with what I love - sex. I can honestly say I am happy. I love what I do. I love the man I am with. I love the life I have. I am beginning to love being his slave (I was always fairly submissive with him so it’s not a big change). And overall I think I have wonderful relationships and am pretty healthy (mentally and physically).
The photo above was taken by a professional photographer.